


Love Letters

by redscrollsofmalec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec is scared of his feelings, Alternate Universe - College/University, Clace (minor), Fluff, Happy Ending, Humour, Little bit of angst, M/M, Magnus is scared of commitment, Malec, Sizzy (minor), they're both idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-10-28 14:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20780258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redscrollsofmalec/pseuds/redscrollsofmalec
Summary: Magnus hasn't been in a proper relationship for a long time, but he's obsessed with reading Alicante University's Love Letters facebook page. After running into Alec (literally!), Magnus starts receiving mysterious letters addressed to 'MB'.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely self-indulgent. I love looking at my uni's love letters facebook page (not sure if they're that common in other countries) so of course I had to make a malec AU.
> 
> TW: alcohol use

From the moment he’d started at Alicante University, Magnus had always wanted to receive a love letter. Not one of the old-fashioned love letters, the handwritten ones that were slipped into the lockers of their unknowing recipients, but one posted onto the AU Love Letters Facebook page. 

The page was a godsend for someone like Magnus. A hopeless romantic at heart, Magnus would scroll through the recent entries, cooing at the heartfelt ones and offering advice when he could. He was now an unashamed ‘top fan’ and had been approached by three people who’d personally thanked him for his solutions to their relationship woes. But he’d never been on the receiving end of a letter, unless you count that one time Ragnor and Raphael wrote a prank letter for him. He’d been ecstatic until he’d gotten to the line, “your spiky hair makes you look like a porcupine, which really turns me on.'' He hadn’t spoken to either of them for a week after that stunt.

Now he was sitting on a sunny bench outside the university’s main design building and typing out a wordy reply under one of the latest letters. The student was having some classic boy drama, nothing Magnus hadn’t experienced before. They had written:

_ I’ve been hanging out with this guy quite a bit recently and I really like him. He’s smart, funny and sweet—although a bit nerdy. He’s certainly not the type of guy I’d usually go for, but I think that’s what makes him special. I’m pretty sure he likes me back, but the issue is that I’m seeing a different guy. It’s a no-strings-attached, on-and-off physical relationship; definitely not exclusive, but I can tell that this new guy wouldn’t want to take things further until I call it off fully with no-strings guy. I’m not sure if I should take the leap or hold off until I’m 100% sure this new guy is right for me. _

Magnus had been in similar situations, except he was usually the no-strings-attached party in the relationship. That didn’t mean he had no advice to offer, though. He’d commented back:

_ How do you know what this new boy would be comfortable with unless you ask him? Open and honest communication is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. If he’s as nice as you think he is, he’ll understand, and will try his best to support you. But he can’t make your decisions for you. Think about what you really want from both relationships, which will make you the happiest? And if neither of them work out, my DMs are always open ;) _

Magnus couldn’t help but add that last part onto the end. He was an incorrigible flirt and proud of it, especially considering the number of people he’d managed to charm with that skill. None of his flings ever lasted for very long; a couple of weeks was his longest, and they’d both known it wasn’t serious. But lately, he’d begun to want more; something longer term, where Magnus could finally give what his heart could offer and hope the gesture would be returned. He hadn’t allowed himself that level of vulnerability since Camille had swept through his life like a hurricane, but she no longer held a monopoly over his damaged heart. Deep down, Magnus still believed in love. 

“And send,” Magnus said, pressing the button to post his completed reply. “I really should start to charge people for this.” Magnus chuckled to himself and shook his head. That was his business classes talking. Wait, classes. Assessment. His  _ folio. _ Shit.

“Shit.” Magnus checked the time in the top corner of his laptop screen and felt the air escape his lungs. He had  _ two minutes  _ to get to his professor’s office on the third floor and hand in half a semester’s worth of work. 

Without caring if anything got squashed, Magnus shoved his laptop into his bag and grabbed his folio. He raced inside the design building and made a beeline for the elevators. After skidding to a stop, he pressed the ‘up’ button half a dozen times and waited for the doors to open. Only then did he notice the out of order sign. 

“No! You have  _ got  _ to be kidding me!” 

Plan B was the stairs. Without wasting time he didn’t have to complain, Magnus opened the heavy fire escape door that led to the concrete stairwell. He’d never been one for running; he preferred the calm precision of a yoga or Pilates class, but he was now taking these steps three at a time and ignoring the intense burning sensation in his chest. He was so focused on getting there quickly that he didn’t notice the other student walking in the opposite direction.

“Hey, watch where you’re—oof!”

Magnus collided with the torso of another man, causing him to drop his folio as his hands scrambled to grab onto the handrail. 

“Careful!” The man wrapped an arm around Magnus’ waist to stop him from falling down the stairs. “I know being late sucks, but it’s probably not worth cracking your skull open on the steps.”

“Point taken.” Now that he’d regained his balance and his heart was no longer in his mouth, Magnus was able to take a proper look at his saviour. The man was tall, and their height difference was emphasised by the fact that Magnus was standing on the step below. He was also well-built, if the way his shoulders filled out his shirt and the muscular arm still wrapped around Magnus’ waist were anything to go by. Magnus was standing close enough to see the light stubble on his jawline, and get a good look at his gorgeous blue eyes. His heart fluttered when they locked eyes and he was suddenly all too aware of the hand on his lower back. He took a deep breath, inhaling the man’s delicious cedarwood cologne, and reluctantly remembered that he had somewhere to be.

“I think I’ve got it from here, Pretty Boy.”

The man was clearly taken aback by the nickname and quickly withdrew his arm. “Here you go,” he said, picking up Magnus’ folio and handing it to him.

“Thanks, gorgeous,” Magnus said, tucking the folio under his arm. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I gotta run.” He forced himself to step away from the other man and continue on his way.

“Not too fast!” The man called after him.

_ The universe must hate me,  _ Magnus thought as he climbed the remaining flight of stairs to his professor’s office. He’d meant what he’d said; he wished he could have stayed and gotten to know this handsome stranger. Students as attractive as that one were few and far between, and in a university of this size, they were unlikely to cross paths again.

~

“Thanks Professor Fremont, I promise it won’t happen again.”

“See that it doesn’t. I let you off this time because the elevator is broken, but you can’t leave things ‘till the last minute in this class.”

“I didn’t leave the  _ work  _ ‘till the last minute, I left the handing in of the work ‘till the last minute.”

The professor pointed her finger at Magnus in warning. “Careful, I haven’t marked it yet.”

“Noted, sorry about that,” Magnus said, shooting her his most dazzling smile. 

Even Fremont wasn’t immune to his charms, and the corners of her mouth turned upwards. “Alright, off you go. I’m sure you have mischief to be making elsewhere.”

“Too right I do, thanks once again, Professor!” 

Walking down the stairs was much easier than running up them, although Magnus didn’t meet anyone half as good-looking as the man he’d run into earlier. He left the building and was just about to text Ragnor to see if his lecture was done when—

“Hey.”

Magnus spun around and was faced with the same pair of blue eyes as before. Maybe the universe didn’t hate him after all.

“You again, what are the chances? You didn’t wait for me to come out like a creepy person, did you?” he teased.

The other man let out a nervous laugh. “Of course not, that would be weird.”

“Well, Pretty Boy, as much as I love calling you that, I suspect you have a name you’d rather me use.”

“Alec. And you are—?”

“Magnus Bane, business student by day, design student by night.” He extended a hand, which Alec shook firmly. His hand was softer than Magnus had expected, which was pleasing. Too many men didn’t appreciate the necessity of a good moisturiser. 

“That’s an interesting combination. I just do law.” Alec shrugged, as if he was too humble to see how impressive that was.

“You do law? Does that mean you can get me off? You know, if I get into trouble.”

The double entendre was not lost on Alec, who coughed and averted his eyes. “Could you even afford a lawyer?” he asked, trying to change the subject. 

“Hmm, perhaps not. But I’m sure you’d be happy to do me pro bono.” Magnus gave him an exaggerated wink.

“Oh God, you really are shameless, aren’t you?” Alec was still smiling, so Magnus was pretty sure he didn’t mind. 

He opened his mouth to reply that yes, he was, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. 

“Sorry, I need to take this.” he retrieved the device with some difficulty—wearing pants this tight came with some disadvantages—and saw that it was Ragnor calling.

“All done with your  _ Pride and Prejudice  _ lecture?” he said after accepting the call.

“Yes, where are you? We agreed to meet in Java Jones.”

“Sorry, be right there. I’ve just been distracted by a scintillating conversation with a delightful gentleman I just met.”

“Magnus,” Ragnor said in a warning tone.

“What?” Magnus said, feigning innocence. He sneaked a furtive glance at Alec, who could still hear his side of the conversation. “Look, I’ll be there shortly. Order my usual with extra caramel syrup and a blueberry muffin.” 

Ragnor hung up without saying goodbye.  _ Typical _ , Magnus thought.

“I’m so sorry, darling, but I’m going to have to cut this short.” Magnus patted Alec on the arm apologetically. 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Alec dragged a hand through his messy, black hair, his eyes downcast. “I’m sure you’re a very busy person.”

Alec wasn’t quite able to mask the disappointment in his tone, and Magnus felt a twinge of regret for having to leave so abruptly. But he didn’t want his coffee to go cold, so he bid Alec farewell by blowing a kiss and saying, “don’t be a stranger.”

Magnus had almost finished his muffin when he realised he’d forgotten to get Alec’s number. 

~

“Raphael! You’re up!” Magnus exclaimed as his sleepy roommate wandered into their kitchen. 

“ _ Dios,  _ Magnus, how could I stay asleep with you making such an infernal racket?” Raphael’s hair was sticking up in all directions, and his expression was positively murderous. Magnus had lived with Raphael for long enough to not be perturbed by his foul moods, and knew to simply pour him a cup of coffee and wait for the caffeine to take effect.

“Stay right where you are, Cat and Ragnor will be over soon,” Magnus said, pointing a butter knife at Raphael, who had already gulped down two thirds of his coffee.

“You told them to come here? What could possibly be so important that you couldn’t wait until lunchtime?”

“You’ll see,” Magnus said in a sing-song voice as he bounced on the balls of his feet.

Raphael wrinkled his nose. “You’re so happy it’s disgusting. The last time you were this giddy was when Beyonce dropped her surprise album.”

“I’m surprised you remember that.’

“Wait.” Raphael picked up his phone and Magnus craned his neck to see what he was looking at. “Nope, no new albums were released overnight.”

“If there was I wouldn’t have to call you all here. I’d simply send you the link and let Queen B speak for herself.”

“This is why I told you to lose my number.”

The front door suddenly banged open and in strode Catarina, with Ragnor hot on her heels.

“Would it kill you to at least knock?” Raphael complained in lieu of a greeting. Catarina ignored him. 

“Tell me what on earth’s going on Magnus and make it quick, I have a med lecture soon.”

“Everyone take a seat,” Magnus said, gesturing to the breakfast bar stools in front of him. 

“It’s your latest boy toy from yesterday, isn’t it Magnus?” Ragnor said once he’d sat down. “I’m surprised he isn’t still here, preparing for the infamous walk of shame home.”

“ _ No,  _ how many times do I have to tell you it wasn’t like that? But I’ll admit, it is romance related.” Magnus spun around his laptop on the marble counter so that the screen was facing his friends. 

“Hold on, is that—”

“Yes!” Magnus clapped his hands with glee. “Finally, after two and a half years here, I got my first proper love letter!”

_ MB, _

_ I’ve noticed you many times on campus. I know it sounds like I’m a stalker but I’m not, you just have a presence that attracts everyone and everything. I couldn’t ignore you if I tried. I know you probably haven’t noticed me before, but I won’t hold that against you. I do tend to blend into the background, which suits me most of the time.  _

_ I know you’re always on this strange facebook page, which is why I’m telling you here what I could never hope to say in person. You have the most beautiful smile that brightens this entire place. I know your life can’t be perfect (whose is?), but I’ve only ever seen you treat people with kindness, which is rare amongst cynical college students. _

_ Please continue making the world a better place by just being you.  _

There was a lull in the conversation while everyone stopped to read the letter. Ragnor then broke the silence by asking, “are you sure this letter is addressed to you?”

Magnus gave a wounded gasp. “Who else would it be about? It even has my initials.”

“You can’t be the only one on campus with the initials ‘MB’,” Raphael pointed out.

“At least you’re finally paying attention to my love life,” Magnus said, ignoring Raphael’s logical point. Of course he knew that he wasn’t the only student with those initials, but there was other evidence suggesting the letter was for him. But, most importantly, he knew in his heart that it was meant for him.

“I don’t care about your tedious love life, I was just pointing out an indisputable fact.”

“Just because  _ you  _ don’t want a love life, which is perfectly fine by the way, doesn’t mean that you can’t be a supportive friend.”

Raphael glowered. “ _ Friend _ is pushing it.”

“We live together!”

"Alright, can we focus on the godforsaken letter please?” Ragnor said with a raised voice that cut through the bickering. “You didn’t make us come here to just watch you two have another stupid argument.”

“It’s addressed to him,” Catarina said in her usual no-nonsense tone. That got everyone’s attention; they were used to her being the most level-headed of the group, and they readily trusted her opinions.

“How do you know?” asked Raphael, forgetting that he was pretending not to care.

“It says ‘I know you’re always on this strange facebook page’. Who else stalks that stupid page as much as Magnus? That and the initials is enough evidence for me. Also you have to admit that he smiles way more than the average college student.”

“But whether that smile is ‘beautiful’ or not is debatable,” Ragnor supplied. 

“Ugh.” Magnus buried his face in his hands. “Great, I get it, you all love making fun of me. But now that we’ve confirmed what I already knew, can we please get to the advice? What should I do?”

“Well first things first, do you think the author is a guy or a girl?” Cat stared at the screen with narrowed eyes, as if she was waiting for the letters to rearrange and reveal the answer.

“Does it matter? It’s 2019 and I’m bi.”

“It matters because if you want to know who wrote this, it helps to eliminate about fifty percent of the college population.”

“Sadly, they haven’t used any gendered words when referring to themself,” Ragnor observed.

“We may as well face it, we’re not going to be able to figure it out unless we use high tech and probably illegal equipment to find out whose phone made the post.” Magnus sighed. “I thought I’d be ecstatic when this day came, but the novelty wears off quickly when you have no idea who to thank for such flattering compliments.”

“It’s because you talk to too many people,” Raphael said, his expression softening. “This is what you get for being a friendly, sociable person.”

“You’re right of course, my friend.” Magnus was touched by Raphael’s sudden gentleness; a rare reminder that, beneath the sarcasm and snark, Raphael genuinely cared for him.

“But please refrain from asking me about any of your relationship problems. I’m the least helpful, and least interested person you could possibly ask.” Raphael lumbered off the bar stool and began walking towards his bedroom. “I’m going back to bed, my ancient Rome lecture doesn’t start until the afternoon.”

“Yeah, that’s my cue to leave, I’m late enough as it is,” Cat said, as she too got to her feet.

“Well thanks for coming at least, it’s good to know that my friends care enough to come when I tell them it’s urgent.” Magnus walked around the bench so that he could give her a hug.

“Oh no, we just hoped it was something embarrassing.” Cat threw him a wink before exiting the apartment. 

“It was fairly embarrassing,” Ragnor said when it was just the two of them. “I know you said it wasn’t like that, but have you considered it might be that boy? Alex, was it?”

“Alec,” Magnus corrected a tad too quickly. “And I highly doubt it. He definitely doesn’t strike me as the type to write that kind of touchy-feely stuff. Also, from what I could tell, the attraction was extremely one sided.”

“Aha! So you admit there was attraction?” The gleam in Ragnor’s eye was one that Magnus didn’t trust.

“This is me you’re talking about, remember? I may have flirted with him a little, but it doesn’t mean it’ll lead anywhere.”

“Mm, normally I’d agree, but this one’s different. I can tell. You care more.”

“I really don’t.” Magnus tried to sound indifferent, but he knew the defensiveness in his tone was betraying him. “Don’t you have a class to go to?”

“Not today.”

“Then go study for one, or do literally anything. Just get out of here.” Magnus grabbed Ragnor’s arm and dragged him towards the door.

“It’s not a bad thing, Magnus,” Ragnor said before Magnus could slam the door shut. “I assure you, it’s a good thing.”

Magnus knew deep down that Ragnor was right, that he had started to long for a relationship he could truly care about. His heart had healed enough to allow him that.

He just didn’t want to think about how Alec might fit into the picture.

~

“Hey, it’s Magnus, right?”

Magnus turned to see a woman with long, black hair walking towards him, her stilettos echoing loudly on the wooden floor of the cafe. When she was close enough for him to properly see her face, he noticed something familiar about it that he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“That’s me, have we met before?”

“Not formally.” The woman slid into the seat opposite his with a casual grace that Magnus admired. “I’m Isabelle, and you commented some genius advice under my post in the AU love letters facebook page.”

“The one about the bad kisser? Wait, no, the one about the two guys, right?” Magnus commented on a lot of posts.

“The latter,” Isabelle laughed. “I saw you sitting here and I had to come and thank you. Your advice really helped me out.”

Magnus grinned and sipped his coffee. “You’re very welcome, my dear. If it’s not too forward of me, may I ask how it all worked out?”

“I realised that, while casual sex is fun, I needed someone that could make me laugh and who cheered me up just by being himself. Mr Nerd, Simon his name is, can do that for me. So I pretty much told him that.”

“I bet he was ready to get down on one knee for a beautiful woman like yourself,” Magnus teased. 

Isabelle rolled her eyes, and why did that gesture look so  _ familiar?  _ “I mean, I won’t deny that he might’ve been. As for Meliorn, the other guy, there were no hard feelings. I’m pretty sure he’s moved on already.”

“At least it wasn’t messy.” Magnus said. He would have done the same as Meliorn not too long ago, but the thought of doing so now didn’t comfort him as much as it used to.

“Yeah. Anyway, Simon and I are going out to dinner tomorrow for our first proper date and then I’m watching him and his band perform at a bar with a few friends. You’d be welcome to join us. I won’t lie, his band isn’t great, but there’s alcohol.”

“Say no more.” Magnus held up his hands. “If there’s alcohol, I’ll be there. And I have to meet this illustrious Simon.”

“I wouldn’t say illustrious, he’ll probably just rant to you about the Endgame ending.”

“He better not!” Magnus gasped, clutching his chest. “I’d need a lot of alcohol before I'd let him do that to me.”

“I don’t really understand it, I just listen because it’s nice to see him so passionate about something.”

And there it was again, that insistent little voice telling Magnus how nice it would be to have someone to share his passions with, who wanted to hear him talk just to see the way his eyes lit up. 

To distract himself from that voice, he asked, “who’s your favourite Avenger?”

Isabelle wrinkled her nose. “The one with the hammer?”

“Oh you poor child.” Magnus shook his head. He then unlocked his phone and slid it across the table. “Give me your number and text me the details for tomorrow. In the meantime, I recommend watching ‘Thor’.”

~

“I’m sorry, Ragnor, but I’ll have to miss trashy reality TV night tonight as I’ll be going out.”

“Why? What could be more important than mocking the hideous designs on ‘Say Yes to the Dress’?”

“I met someone I helped on the love letters page.” Magnus used his shoulder to hold the phone to his ear so he could compare two shirts. “She generously invited me out to see her new beau’s band play.”

“I’m a 19th century lit student and even I don’t say ‘beau’, Magnus.” Magnus could practically feel his friend’s smirk through the phone. “Did you consider that she might have something to do with the letter supposedly addressed to you?”

“No way, I just said I solved her relationship problems, and she seems pretty besotted with her new man.” Magnus hung the burgundy shirt back up again and settled for the cobalt blue with gold threads running through it. Gold brought out his eyes, and he wanted to look his best for Sheldon, or was it Sean?

“I didn’t mean it like  _ that,  _ I meant that she might have told someone that you helped her and that gave them the idea to write a letter about how they felt.”

“That’s a possibility.” Magnus meandered over to his dresser and picked out some long necklaces he knew would complement the shirt. “But I’m not going to interrogate poor Isabelle. I think the best course of action is to just wait and see if they send another letter.”

There was a pause on the phone, and Magnus wondered for a moment if Ragnor had hung up on him. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“You just want another letter to inflate your already massive ego, don’t you?”

“No!” Magnus insisted. “Well, maybe. But it feels so nice to give so much to this page and then finally get something back. And the compliments don’t exactly hurt either.”

“You are insatiable. But I can’t deny I’m curious to see how this pans out. Text me if you get any updates.”

“Will do. Now—” Magnus pulled open a drawer in his closet “ — leather pants or skinny jeans for tonight?”

“ _ Magnus. _ ”

“Leather pants it is.”

~

Background music from a record was playing when Magnus stepped into the bar, which meant that Simon’s band hadn’t started their set yet. The room was packed with people, but Magnus didn’t think they were all here for the music. It was a Friday night, where else would these college students be? 

He waded through the crowd to the back of the room where a stage was set up; he assumed that Isabelle would want a good view of her new boyfriend. It didn’t take long to find her, with her glossy hair that cascaded down her back and her tight red dress, she wasn’t hard to miss. 

“Hello again, darling!” he called over the chatter.

“Magnus! I’m so glad you came.” Isabelle stood up to greet him and he leant forward to kiss her on each cheek.

“I thought I was going to be late but it appears that I’m early. Is Samuel still setting up out back?”

“ _ Simon,  _ and yeah, he should be up soon. In the meantime, I’ll introduce you. This is Clary,” she pointed at a pretty redhead wearing a floral dress, “and that’s Jace.”

“I think I know you,” Magnus said to the familiar-looking blond. “Java Jones, right?”

“Wait, you’re the guy that always orders these ridiculously complicated drinks with a thousand steps to them,” Jace said.

“At least I always tip well.” Magnus extended a hand towards him. He didn’t think Jace was the hugging type.

“Thank God for that.” Jace shook his hand heartily. “Minimum wage sucks ass.”

“Maybe you should join a band like Simon.”

“I would if he got paid any better than me.”

Magnus laughed and turned towards Clary. “And what do you do, Biscuit?”

If his pet name bemused her, she didn’t show it. Magnus didn’t like to dilute his personality for new people; if they couldn’t handle his quirks now, then there really wasn’t much hope for the future. “I’m an art student, so I try to sell some of my works when I can. But that’s not really a steady form of income, so I also teach art classes for local children.”

“Aww, that’s a lovely thing to do for work. You must show me your art sometime.”

“Maia usually comes to these things too, but she’s working tonight,” Izzy said. “You’ll probably see her when you go up to the bar.”

“A bartender, hm? I’m quite the connoisseur when it comes to cocktails, so I suppose I’ll find out if she’s any good.”

“Knowing Maia, she’ll be more than up for the challenge. Ooh look! There’s Alec.”

_ Alec?  _ Magnus craned his neck to see a tall figure make his way through the crowd.  _ What on earth is he doing here? _

Magnus turned back to Isabelle. “How do you know Alec?”

She raised an eyebrow at his question. “I’m his sister, how do  _ you  _ know Alec?”

“Hey everyone,” Alec said before Magnus could answer. “Sorry I’m late, I had to finish some readings.”

His eyes swept around the table and widened when they landed on Magnus. “Magnus, what are you doing here?”

“Isabelle, who I just found out is your sister, invited me. As alcohol is involved, I wasn’t about to turn her down.”

“Of course she did,” Alec said. “Not that I don’t want you here!” he added hastily, wincing after someone (probably Isabelle) kicked him under the table. “It’s just the sort of thing Izzy would do.” Alec tried to laugh weakly, but no one was joining him. Izzy’s expression was one of exasperation, Jace’s one of confusion. Clary looked like she knew something no one else did, but Magnus didn’t want to dwell on that right now. He decided to exercise his chivalry and save Alec from his embarrassment. 

“Speaking of alcohol, I think it’s time to put Maia’s bartending skills to the test. Alexander, why don’t you join me?”

“No one calls me that,” Alec said, but he got to his feet anyway. 

“Izzy suits her,” Magnus said, pointing at Alec’s sister. “But you, darling, are an Alexander. You’ll get used to it.”

They got to the front of the bar with relative ease. Magnus liked to think it was because of his intimidatingly stylish outfit, but conceded that it was probably Alec’s height. 

“Do you have a cocktail list?” he asked the bartender with the yellow crop top and afro who he assumed was Maia.

“Not on hand, but if you tell me what you want, I can probably make it for you.” 

Magnus cracked his knuckles and fixed her with a determined glare that she more than reciprocated.  _ Game on.  _

“Let’s start with a Sazerac and see how we go,” Magnus told her. He turned to Alec, who was staring, overwhelmed, at all the liquor bottles. “And he’ll have a Negroni,” Magnus added. 

“Easy,” Maia said, immediately getting to work.

Alec tapped Magnus lightly on the arm. “You didn’t have to order for me.”

“Oh I’m sorry, Alexander, did you want something different?”

“I mean,” Alec shifted away from Magnus slightly. “I’m not a big drinker. You seem to know what you’re doing so I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Magnus hoped he hadn’t made Alec uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, I should have asked. I just thought you looked like a Negroni man, but it was silly of me to assume.”

“It’s not you, Magnus, it’s just...” Alec took a deep breath. “I’m not very good at this.”

“Hey.” Magnus leaned to the side so that he could get a good look of Alec’s captivating blue eyes. “You’re fine. I know I’m a lot to get used to—”

“No, you’re not. Please don’t think you ever need to change,” Alec interjected, and there was so much sincerity in his voice that Magnus felt his throat go dry. He took a step closer and placed a hand over the one Alec had resting on the bar. 

“Thank you, Alexander. That meant a lot.”

“Aright, boys, here they are.” Maia slid their drinks over to them and Alec jerked back as if he’d been shocked. 

Magnus tried not to focus on Alec’s reaction and instead took a sip of his drink. “Hmm, adequate.”

Maia snorted in disbelief, which made Magnus giggle. “Okay, I lied. Here.” He took a 50 dollar bill out of his wallet and slid it towards her. “You earned it. And I’ll definitely be back for more later.”

Simon’s band was onstage by the time they returned to the table. Magnus assumed the lead guitarist currently introducing the group was Simon because Izzy wasn’t taking her eyes off him. He wore glasses and a Star Wars t-shirt that Magnus wouldn’t be caught dead in, but he had kind eyes and Magnus knew that was what mattered most. 

“Hey everyone, thanks for coming out tonight. We’re Champagne Enema and we’ll be entertaining you for the night.”

Magnus raised his eyebrows at Alec.  _ Champagne Enema? _

“Don’t ask,” Alec muttered.

In all fairness, Simon’s band wasn’t  _ bad.  _ It just wasn’t the sort of music Magnus listened to normally. Izzy and Clary, who Magnus had learned was Simon’s best friend, were singing along loudly in support, and Jace had gone off to play pool with some guys he’d met. Clary had kissed him on the cheek and told him not to play for any actual money, which spoke volumes of her confidence in his abilities. 

This gave Magnus the perfect opportunity to get to know Alec. Alec wasn’t very talkative by nature, and he’d stuck to water after his Negroni. (He’d taken a sip, winced, and then tried to tell Magnus it was good. Magnus hadn’t been fooled.) Fortunately, Magnus had stumbled upon a topic Alec was willing to gush about: his siblings. 

Magnus had learned that Alec’s little brother Max had died when he was still young, and that that incident had caused him and his siblings, Jace and Izzy, to grow much closer. Magnus had also learned that Alec had been cold towards Clary at first out of protectiveness for Jace, but after seeing how good she was to him, she had become like a second sister to Alec. He wasn’t quite as close with Simon yet. Alec had already given him the ‘if you hurt my sister I’ll kill you’ speech, and Simon had responded by saying that if he ever hurt Izzy he’d kill himself before Alec could. Alec hadn’t appreciated the suicidal undertones, but he’d believed Simon’s intentions were pure.

It was easy to watch Alec speak. His eyes lit up constantly when he talked about the things he loved, and his hands gestured wildly to help illustrate his points.

“You’ll have to come to family games night one time. Fair warning, it does get really competitive, but I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Magnus opened his mouth to say “yes, that sounds great,” but he stopped himself. Until now, he’d been comfortable casually flirting with Alec, but after talking to him for more than an hour, Magnus could see the two of them becoming good friends. 

Magnus was also starting to wonder if the attraction wasn’t completely one-sided. Alec’s eyes occasionally slid down to stare at the exposed part of Magnus’ chest where he’d left the buttons open, and Magnus could feel them following his hips when he went to get another drink.  _ Maybe wearing the leather pants wasn’t such a good idea.  _

But Magnus wasn’t nearly drunk enough to properly consider the implications of both an emotional and physical relationship with Alec, so he got up to get a drink instead of answering his question.

When he returned feeling pleasantly buzzed, Magnus told Alec about his closest friends, whom he considered his found family. That conversation became derailed around Magnus’ fourth cocktail and he was now telling Alec about the time he had saved the Queen of England with a hot air balloon.

“I highly doubt that’s actually what happened,” Alec said.

“You don’t know that, we barely know each other.”

“I know that you let your roommate sleep in your bed every time he gets nightmares, I’d say we know each other pretty well by now.”

“Shhhhhh,” Magnus pressed a finger against Alec’s lips. “You aren’t supposed to know that.” He felt his phone buzz in his tight leather pants. “See, he’s probably calling me to tell me off.” Magnus removed the device from his back pocket. Even in his inebriated state, he caught Alec’s eyes flicking to his hips and then back up again. 

Alec must have known he’d been caught, because he took a step backwards and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. In retaliation, Magnus took a moment to appreciate how that movement accentuated his biceps. 

“Aren’t you going to answer it?”

“Hm? Oh, right.” He jabbed at the answer button and held the phone to his ear. “Hello Raphael!” he yelled over the sound of Simon’s band. “Yes I’m still here, I won’t be home until late. Be good and feed the Chairman for me! Love you too, mwah, mwah, mwah!” Magnus made exaggerated kissing noises because he knew how much it annoyed Raphael. 

Simon’s band appeared to have run out of original music, because they started to play a song Magnus recognised.

“Ooh, I know this one! C’mon Alexander, let’s dance!” He grabbed Alec’s hand and started to pull him over to where others were dancing. Alec came willingly, which surprised Magnus. He’d expected the other man to put up more resistance.  _ Did he enjoy dancing?  _ That didn’t seem likely.  _ He thinks there's something more between us… I’ve been leading him on.  _ Alec’s hand suddenly felt very heavy. They had been blurring the line between friends and something more all night, but when it came down to it, Magnus wasn’t sure how much he could give.

“Wait!” With that realisation, he pulled away from Alec. “Gotta do something first.”

Magnus walked unsteadily towards the bar. “Shot of tequila please, Maia! Actually, make it a double.” If he was going to do this, then he was going to make sure he could blame it on the alcohol.

“Are you sure?” she laughed at him. “You’re going to regret this in the morning.”

“That’s a problem for tomorrow Magnus.”

She shrugged. “Your funeral.” 

Magnus downed the shot in one, valiantly ignoring the burn as it went down. The room began to spin and the edges of his vision became blurred. Perfect.

Stumbling over to where he could see Alec’s black head of hair above the crowd, Magnus grabbed his hand once more and dragged him into the fray.

Magnus let his body roll with the beat of the music and he threw his head back. The warm bodies surrounding him and the liquor coursing through his veins never failed to make him feel alive. 

He glanced up at Alec through heavily lidded eyes. “Dance with me!” 

“I am!” Alec gestured to the awkward swaying he was doing. 

Magnus growled low in his throat. “Not like that, like  _ this _ .” He moved closer to Alec and turned around, preparing to grind against him like he’d done to so many other strangers in bars like this.

Alec stopped him before he could. “No, not like this. Magnus, you’re drunk.” 

“So? Who cares?” Magnus argued, but he didn’t move any closer. He didn’t turn back around either, not wanting to look at Alec’s stupid perfect face. Why was Alec making this so difficult for him? 

“I care. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” Alec pushed through the crowd, leaving Magnus alone in the middle of the dance floor, hot tears streaming down his cheeks. 


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this came out angstier than I was expecting. Hope you still enjoy! (Don't worry, there's still a happy ending)
> 
> TW: mentions of past abuse (nothing sexual)

When Magnus awoke the next day, it took a long time for his eyes to adjust to the morning light, and even longer still to open them. They were glued shut by a mixture of dried eyeliner and mascara, which meant he’d forgotten to remove his makeup last night. It had been a bad one, even by Magnus’ standards; he hadn’t been drunk enough to forget to at least wash his face in a very long time.  _ What had happened last night? _

The room spun and black dots appeared in his vision when he tried to extract the memories from his mind. Magnus groaned and rolled over to bury his head in the pillows again. Thinking was too hard when he was this hungover.

Magnus attempted to brave the day again some time later, when he was only feeling half dead. He managed to sit up without dry-retching, and was greeted with a pleasant sight on his bedside table. A glass of water, two aspirin and a pile of now-cold pancakes were there, along with a note that read:

_ You’re an idiot. Hope this helps. _

_ _ \- R.S _ _

It was times like these when Magnus was grateful to have Raphael as his roommate. He smiled at the care Raphael had shown him, undoubtedly undeserved as it may have been.

Magnus left the pancakes for now, but the water soothed his dry throat and he was confident the aspirin would kick in after ten minutes or so.  _ Now,  _ he thought to himself,  _ time to remember how it all went wrong. _

The blue shirt from last night, lying wrinkled on the floor, caught Magnus’ eye, and the memories of the club, and of a particular pair of blue eyes, came flooding back. It had been Alec. Of course it had been Alec. Magnus might not have fallen down the stairs the first time they had met, but he’d certainly been falling head over heels ever since. 

Magnus pinched the bridge of his nose, last night’s memories so visceral they were almost painful. Everything had been going  _ so well.  _ Too well. And he’d ruined it. 

Magnus knew he’d been leading Alec on, which made his stomach roil with guilt. Alec was discreet in his attractions, but Magnus was observant. Their conversation had been one of the best he’d shared in years, even with the loud music and Magnus’ increasing intoxication. He could feel the connection between them like a livewire, and that scared him. He knew it couldn’t be fulfilled with a drunken one night stand. 

Magnus had tried to ignore this fact, to use alcohol to push past his trepidations, but instead he’d ended up pushing Alec away, which was the last thing he wanted.  _ I can’t do this. _ Perhaps he’d got it all wrong and Alec had just been looking for a friendship. Or perhaps it was obvious that Magnus wasn’t in the right mindset for anything to develop between them.

Either way, it was an awful feeling: the vulnerability. Magnus shivered and drew the covers closer around him. Not wanting to dwell on Alec and lost opportunities any longer, he picked up his phone for a welcome distraction. Three missed calls from Cat, five texts from Ragnor and a missed call from Izzy. Magnus chose to ignore all his friends’ attempts at reaching out to him and click on the Facebook icon, hoping instead to be distracted by other people’s relationship dramas. 

Only there was a second love letter waiting for him.

_ MB, _

_ How is it that someone can be drunk and still graceful? Yet you manage to pull it off. I could watch you dance for hours, but I know that, behind the carefree movements, there are things that are troubling you. I just wish you felt that you could talk to people about them, like you let others come to you with theirs. No one should feel alone in their struggles, least of all you. _

_ I hope you know how happy you make people. You care more than you let on at times, but trust me, caring is not a weakness. I know I’m one to talk since I’m not usually the touchy-feely type, but God I can’t help it when it comes to you. I don’t think anyone could if they’ve been around you. _

_ P.S: wearing leather pants should be illegal _

Magnus’ heart skipped a beat when he saw his initials. He’d been so focused on last night’s problems that he’d almost forgotten he had a secret admirer. He read through the letter once, and then twice more for good measure. The author must have been at the bar last night, as they knew details about Magnus’ clothes and his dancing. But who could have noticed not only the superficial stuff, but the emotions he was fighting hard to hide. The only person he’d spent any real time with was… Alec.

But why would it be Alec? Magnus checked the time at which the post was made: 11:13am. Someone had posted it this morning, after he’d ruined all his chances with Alec and been left alone on the dance floor.  _ I can’t do this.  _ If Alec couldn’t do it then, why would he post this letter for everyone, including Magnus, to see? 

Maybe some fresh eyes would help — some real fresh eyes, not the mocking ones of his cynical friends. Magnus switched to his contacts apps; time to make a call.

“Hey, Izzy, would you like to meet for coffee later today?”

~

Magnus was staring out the window, lost in thought, and didn’t notice Izzy’s arrival until she was standing next to him.

“Rough morning?” she asked as she pulled out the chair across from him. 

Magnus smiled and rubbed his forehead, not bothering to feign offence. “That bad, huh?”

“You don’t look _bad_, just tired. Must be why you’re drinking espresso.” She eyed the tiny cup on the table.

“Jace was certainly shocked by my choice of beverage today. I told him I’d tip double if he didn’t ask questions.” Magnus was surprised by Jace’s willingness to work the day after a night out drinking, but he may not have wound up quite as drunk as Magnus had. 

“Then I won’t ask questions either. How about I order and then you can tell me why you really wanted to see me.”

Izzy returned a few minutes later with a cappuccino.

“No espresso for you?” 

She made a face. “God no, I’m not that dead inside.”

“Hey.”

She laughed. “It’s not as fun teasing people when they’re too tired to deliver comebacks. Okay, let’s cut to the chase, I’m assuming you wanted to talk to me about Alec?”

“No, actually.”

“No? Then why come to me? What about your other friends, ones you’ve known for more than three days?”

Magnus downed the rest of his drink and shuddered at the bitter taste. “Let’s just say that I’m asking the return of a favour. Also my friends were useless last time.”

“Last time?”

“Here, take a look at this.” Magnus showed her the love letter from this morning on his phone.

As she read it, her brow furrowed, but Magnus couldn’t discern any other reaction. Eventually, she sighed and handed back the phone. “What do you want me to say?”

“Something helpful?”

“Alright, I don’t think that this is what’s really important to you right now, I think you’re using it as a distraction to what happened last night.”

How Izzy could see through Magnus so easily was beyond him. Was he really that easy to read?

“Alec told you?”

“Maybe. That’s between me and Alec. But I know my brother and I know he’s upset. And I can tell that you’re upset. And since you both spent most of last night together, it’s easy to connect the dots.”

“Look, maybe you’re right and something did happen. But there’s nothing you can do since I’m pretty sure Alec never wants to speak to me again. And it really would be nice to know who’s writing these damned letters so let’s just stick to that.”

Izzy perked up. “Letters? There’s more than one?”

“Here’s the first one.” 

Once she’d read that, Izzy sat in quiet contemplation. “I really don’t think this is what matters, Magnus.”

“What do you mean? This is the most exciting thing that’s happened to me all year.” Magnus did his best to sound indignant, but even he could hear his voice wavering with hesitation.

“Talk to Alec.” Izzy leaned forward in her chair, her eyes boring into Magnus’. “I have a feeling that if you fix whatever went wrong between you, everything else will fall into place.”

“Stop being so cryptic. I don’t need your advice in the form of a riddle.”

Izzy groaned and muttered something that sounded like “ _ idiotas _ .” 

“Okay, all I’m getting from you is that you have no idea who wrote this letter, and you’re feeding me propaganda to get me to talk to your brother.” Magnus knew he was being petty, but he didn’t like how all of Izzy’s advice led to the one thing he wanted to avoid doing.

“You know, you were a lot more fun when you weren’t hung over and heartbroken.”

Magnus crossed his arms over his chest, not caring that it made him look like a petulant child. “I’m not heartbroken.”

“Yes you are. I was watching you two talking for a bit, it was pretty obvious how infatuated you were.”

“I—” Magnus opened his mouth and then promptly shut it. Perhaps, subconsciously, he’d come to Izzy because he knew she’d be willing to talk about Alec and force him to come to terms with what he’d been feeling recently. 

“I’ll give you some simple tips for dealing with Alec. He’s can be difficult at times, I know that better than anyone, but you have to be patient with him. Give him something he can work with and he will return in kind. And if you don’t like what he has to offer, then you might not be right for him. But please don’t break my brother’s heart. Remember, my forensics course has taught me fifty different ways of getting rid of evidence.” With that, she smiled sweetly, which didn’t fool Magnus for a second.

“Fine. I’ll forget about the letters for now and talk to Alec. But don’t be surprised if I just make him hate me more.”

“You won’t.” This time, Izzy’s smile was warm and genuine. “Not if you’re honest with him.”

Honesty. It was going to be difficult for Magnus to be honest with Alec when he could barely be honest with himself. 

~

A gust of wind ruffled the pages of Magnus’ sketchbook and he moved his elbow to hold them down. Working on his designs in a park did come with its disadvantages, but Magnus found that the inspiration he got from the natural world more than made up for it. This particular park had become a sanctuary for him; a place where he could leave the stresses of life behind and be present in the moment.

Although today, he hadn’t quite been able to shake the guilt of knowing he was procrastinating the inevitable. Izzy had given him Alec’s number in the coffee shop, but Magnus hadn’t worked up the courage to use it yet. His mind had already thought up countless ways their conversation could go, and none of them were especially appealing. The best version Magnus had dared to imagine involved Alec accepting his apology and them parting on amicable terms, but he didn’t want them to go back to being acquaintances, or even friends. He knew exactly what he wanted, but it was too late now. 

Magnus shaded the ruffles on the skirt he was drawing harder and harder, until the graphite turned the paper dark and shiny. He was angry at himself for hurting Alec and he was angry at himself for not talking to Alec and making things right. Suddenly all the lines on his paged looked harsh and jagged. He made an irritated sound in the back of his throat and tore out the page. It was clear he was getting nowhere so he may as well head home. Raphael would offer little sympathy, but he might be willing to watch trashy commercial TV and make his famous  _ tamales _ and that was good enough for Magnus. 

As he walked, he crumpled the page up in his hands. Magnus wanted to throw it into the distance, but he wasn’t a litterer so he was resigned to waiting until he saw a recycling bin.

“No, Buttercup, stop!”

Magnus looked up just in time to see a man barrel into him, knocking him into a flower bed.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” 

Magnus blinked and brushed dirt out of his eyes. When he got a proper look at the man his heart sank to the bottom of his chest.  _ The universe must be playing a cruel joke on me.  _ With eyes as blue as ever and clad in a sweater with frayed sleeves, Alec was standing in front of him, holding out a hand to help him up. 

“Alec.”

“Magnus.” Alec’s expression shifted and became wary. For a moment, he looked as if he might withdraw his hand.  _ I did this,  _ thought Magnus. He got up himself, saving Alec from his internal struggle.

“How have you been?” Magnus ventured tentatively, cursing his voice for being so high-pitched.

“I—” Alec seemed to have spotted something in the corner of his eye and he took a couple of steps to the left. “Sorry, I have to, um, catch a dog? I’m supposed to be minding her, but she escaped and I gotta get her back.”

“Say no more,” Magnus said. He hesitated, and then asked, “do you want my help? If we split up it should be easier.” He genuinely wanted to help Alec, even if Alec wanted nothing to do with him afterwards.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll go this way and you can go that way? Hopefully we can corner her.”

“Got it.”

Magnus started off towards the right. There were quite a few dogs off leash in the park, but it was fairly easy to tell which ones had owners. Something moving in the distance caught his eye, and saw that it was Alec waving at him. He waved back and Alec pointed at a smattering of bushes close by the pond. Magnus picked up the pace and started to jog; he didn’t know if Buttercup could swim and he would hate for her to fall in. 

“Okay,” Alec said when Magnus reached him. “How about I stand guard near the pond and you go into the bushes and flush her out.”

“What happens if she runs the other way?” Magnus said.

“Then I’ll run forward to try and cut her off and you wait by the pond in case she circles back.”

Magnus nodded in answer and crept over to where Buttercup was hiding to try and avoid spooking her. He edged towards where the bushes were rustling, trying to ignore how muddy his designer boots were getting.

“Buttercup,” he cooed. “Come on out, girl.” He crouched down by the bush and out lept not one, but two dogs. Small as they both were, they still managed to knock Magnus on his back for the second time that day. The dogs immediately started licking his face.

“Argh, I love you too but this is not sanitary!”

Magnus heard laughter as Alec approached them. “Buttercup, you had me so worried. But I think it’s time you stopped treating Magnus like a popsicle.” He picked Buttercup up and affixed a leash to her collar. He then held a hand out for Magnus, this time with no hesitation. “Here.”

Magnus took it and let himself be hauled back to his feet. “Thank you, Alexander,” he said and then winced. The name had slipped his lips out of habit, but he was afraid Alec would no longer be comfortable with him using it. Amazingly, Alec didn’t seem to react badly to it; a small smile had even blossomed on his face. Magnus latched onto the hope in that smile, however faint it may be.

“We have got to stop running into each other,” Alec said.

“Yeah, especially when it results in me getting covered in soil and ruining my shirt.” Magnus brushed some of it off his front, but brown stains still remained. Oh well, his appearance was the last thing he cared about right now.

“I’m so sorry.” Alec’s brow furrowed with concern. “I can pay to have it dry cleaned if you want.”

“It’s fine, I’m only joking,” Magnus reassured him. “The main thing is that you got Buttercup back.”

“Thanks for sacrificing yourself as a chew toy to make that happen,” Alec said, a welcome twinkle returning to his eye. Magnus found Alec quite amusing when he was just being himself. 

“I don’t think she was running away from you, look.” Magnus pointed at the dogs, who were playing together in the grass, despite Buttercup being restricted by her leash. “I think Buttercup just wanted a friend.”

“I suppose I can’t fault her for that, but you made Alec very scared by running off.” Alec bent down and scratched Buttercup behind the ears. Watching the two of them interact made Magnus’ heart feel very full, and he looked away to avoid doing something stupid like holding Alec’s hand.  _ You blew it, remember?  _ he told himself. 

“Billy?” a voice in the distance called. “C’mon, it’s time to go!” 

The other dog, a french bulldog with a black and white coat, lifted its head and gambolled off in search of its owner.

“Looks like someone else found their dog,” Magnus commented.

“Buttercup isn’t my dog, I’m just minding her for the weekend.”

“Would you like one of your own?” Magnus bent down next to Alec so that he could pet Buttercup too.

“Well, my lease doesn’t let me have one, but maybe in the future,” Alec said.

“Did you bring any treats?” Magnus asked, hoping to see if Buttercup had any skills to show off.

“ _ Magnus,  _ she ran away. We shouldn’t be spoiling her.”

“Aww, but look at that face. And she came back, surely that counts for something?” Magnus fixed Alec with his best puppy dog eyes, rivaling those of the actual dog before them. 

Alec sighed. “How can I say no to that?” He pulled out a bag of treats from his pocket. “Not too many, okay?”

It turned out that Buttercup was a very talented dog when she was motivated by treats. She could sit, shake, lie down, and even roll over. She also had a special fondness for belly rubs, which Magnus indulged her in readily. He and Alec took turns in giving her commands, and when Alec finally confiscated the treat bag, they switched to throwing her the ball Alec had brought.

Hanging out with Alec like this was so effortless; it was so easy to forget that not all was right between them. That’s why it took great difficulty for Magnus to take a deep, sobering breath and say, “I think we need to talk about last night.” He was determined to try and make things right between them, no matter the outcome. He cared about Alec too much not to. 

“Oh.” Alec’s face fell and he picked up Buttercup’s ball. “Sure, we can talk if you want to, I guess. I dunno, I thought we were okay now?”

“I mean, this has been really fun, don’t get me wrong, but I just think we missed a couple of steps along the way.” Magnus was confused by Alec’s response; he was the one that had ran away last night, how could he think things were suddenly okay? 

The two men sat down on a bench together, wanting to have this conversation sitting down. They left Buttercup to dig up some nearby daisies, still attached to her lead so she couldn’t run off again. 

Magnus was now able to get a proper look at Alec, and see him bite his lip and brush away the strands of hair that kept falling in his eyes. Before he could stop them, the words were tumbling out of his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he said at the same time as Alec did.

“Wait, why are you sorry?” Magnus asked.

“I’m sorry for leaving you alone on the dancefloor without a proper explanation. You started crying the moment I walked away and I just kept walking without doing anything to comfort you.”

“And you had every right to,” Magnus insisted. “I was clearly making you uncomfortable.”

“I was uncomfortable because I didn’t want to take advantage of you.”

“You weren’t taking advantage of me, I was taking advantage of  _ you. _ ” Once Magnus had started to speak he felt like he couldn’t stop. He knew he was painting himself in a poor light, but he needed to come clean with Alec.

“You were drunk,” Alec said with a pitying edge to his tone. That wasn’t right, Magnus didn’t deserve pity. It was his bad choices that had placed them both in this situation.

“That’s not an excuse.”

“Okay, fine, it’s not, I just, I just don’t think you were in a very good place last night.”

Alec had picked up on that? His concern reminded Magnus of something else: the letter. Could it really be…? No, that was irrelevant. All that mattered now was making things right. 

“Maybe I wasn’t, but that’s still not an excuse,” he told Alec firmly.

“I know it’s not.” Alec took a deep breath to calm himself down. “I wanted to help you, but I didn’t know what was bothering you, and I thought the dancing might distract you, but then you went and took that shot and I knew that you were doing it for the wrong reasons and I just didn’t want you to do something you’d regret.”

“But I still did. I ended up hurting you.”

Alec ran a hand down Magnus’ arm with a feather-light touch, his eyes warm and soft. “I’m okay now.”

“You know, I haven’t been in a real relationship in almost two years,” Magnus said. On impulse, he reached out and took Alec’s hand. He needed to feel his reassuring touch if he was going to tell this story.

“Her name was Camille. She was nice at first, charming. She could make you feel like you were the only person in the room. That’s why it took me so long to find out she was cheating on me.”

Alec inhaled quietly. “I’m so sorry she did that to you.”

“Needless to say, you weren’t the only one who got scared last night.”

Alec took a while to process that while he watched Buttercup chase a butterfly. “Like I said last night, I’m not exactly good at this,” he eventually said.

“Well I think it’s safe to say that neither am I.” Magnus started pulling at a loose thread on Alec’s sweater sleeve. “But, if I’m honest, I’m not really sure what  _ this  _ is.”

Alec didn’t say anything. Instead, he placed a hand on Magnus’ cheek and leant forward. He paused when there was still an inch of space between them, allowing Magnus to close the remaining distance. The kiss began tentatively, with just their lips pressed gently together. Magnus shuffled closer so that he could curve his arm around Alec’s waist and Alec stroked Magnus’ cheek tenderly with his thumb. Alec parted his lips to deepen the kiss slightly, still maintaining the slow pace, and Magnus felt like his whole body was bathed in sunlight. No one had made him feel this cherished before with just one kiss. 

With some reluctance, Magnus was the one who pulled away. With his flushed cheeks and pink lips, Alec looked a vision, and Magnus yearned to pull him in for another kiss. But he thought it best to spend some time alone processing all that had happened this afternoon. 

“I think I had better head home now,” he said with reluctance.

“Okay.” Alec’s features immediately shifted into an expression of worry. “Did I do something wrong? Am I getting the wrong signals?”

“No, Alexander, everything was fine, wonderful even. I just don’t want to rush things.”

“Okay, that’s good. I thought it was really good too,” Alec smiled shyly. “I had better get this one home too, she’s falling asleep on me.” He nodded towards Buttercup, who was indeed snoozing by his feet.

“Don’t worry, your sister gave me your number. I promise I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I look forward to it.”

Magnus walked home with a spring in his step, his heart feeling lighter than it had in weeks.

~

When Magnus stepped through the door, he was greeted by the scent of fresh  _ tamales _ , which meant that Raphael was home.

“Mm, something smells good.”

“Keep your hands to yourself, these are for my  _ abuela. _ ” Raphael reserved some  _ tamales  _ on a separate plate as he told Magnus that, which proved that he was lying.

“Whatever you say,” Magnus said, patting Raphael on the shoulder as he walked past the kitchen counter. Raphael was wearing a floral apron, but Magnus had stopped teasing him for it a long time ago.

“You’re happy. Why are you so happy?”

“Jealous, much?” Magnus threw himself across the sofa and stretched out like a contented feline. 

“You were distinctly miserable last night, and now you’re not. Something must have changed.”

“Well, I would tell you, buuut,” Magnus stretched out the word to annoy Raphael, “you told me not to bother you with relationship stuff.” 

Raphael mimed throwing up. “Ew, I take it all back, I don’t want to know at all. Keep your sex stories to yourself.”

“No, it was nothing like that, although I don’t blame you for jumping to conclusions. Let’s just say that I ran into Alec and things went better than expected.”

“Oh,” Raphael said with a neutral voice, as if Magnus had simply commented on the weather. “Don’t tell Ragnor,” he then added.

“Why not?”

“He seemed to think that you and Alec would fall disgustingly in love, I said that he was crazy and Alec would run for the hills. When he finds out, he’ll be insufferable.”

Magnus snorted. “Since when is Ragnor ever not insufferable? Don’t worry, I won’t be saying anything until I’ve spoken to Alec about what we are.”

Raphael didn’t reply. Magnus suspected he’d already lost interest.

“Magnus?”

“Yes?” Magnus looked up from his phone; their last conversation had ended a while ago and he was now scrolling through Instagram.

“This Alec what’s-his-face, tell me he’s not another Camille.”   
Magnus shook his head vigorously. “Oh dear God no.” 

“Good.”

“You know, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said about one of my relationships.”

Raphael glared. “Don’t get used to it.”

~ 

Magnus didn’t bother checking the Love Letters page until much later. The prospect of receiving another letter didn’t excite him as much as it used to now that he had the feeling of Alec’s lips on his to daydream about. And if the author really was Alec, then he may not bother with the anonymous letters now that he knew his feelings were reciprocated.

Still, the now-familiar sight of his initials brought a smile to his face, and he started reading to see what Alec — or possibly someone else — had to say about him.

_ MB, _

_ I don’t believe in fate, but God I want to when it comes to us. I think the universe gave us a second chance today and I really hope I didn’t waste it. _

_ You looked so beautiful. I think you’re even more beautiful now that I know some of the scars of your past. To carry that pain internally, while still being kind and empathetic takes great strength, strength I’ll always admire. _

_ Trust is also hard. I’d like to think that when you kissed me, that was you saying you trusted me. But feelings are messy and life isn’t that simple. You said you wanted time, so I’ll give you time. I understand that for you, this all happened so suddenly, while for me, it’s something I’ve been wanting for a long time. If the answer is never, then that’s ok too.  _

_ P.S: Buttercup misses you _

Magnus’ cheeks were damp when he finished the letter. He should have been happy; Alec was the one writing him all these letters, he  _ liked  _ Magnus and wanted to be with him. But instead, fear gripped Magnus’ heart like a vice. It was one thing to write all these articulate compliments, but what if one day he found Magnus’ emotional burden too heavy to bear? What if, eventually, he saw something in Magnus that he didn’t like? Magnus wasn’t perfect, and if Alec was going to pretend like he was, then he would experience a rude awakening at some point.

A wretched sob tore itself from Magnus’ throat. The voices in his head were too loud, too much. He had to get away from them. 

Magnus ran to Raphael’s room and rapped his knuckles quietly on the door.

“What is it?” came the disgruntled reply. Raphael was frowning when Magnus pushed open the door, but that all changed when he got a proper look at him.

“Oh, Magnus, come here.”

Magnus climbed in the bed next to Raphael, who immediately wrapped his arms around Magnus’ shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” Raphael said in his most soothing voice.

“Camille,” Magnus replied between sobs. “She’s in my head again.”

“Oh dear.” Raphael stroked Magnus’ hair with a gentle hand. “What’s brought all this on?”

“Another letter. Alec thinks I’m better than I am. I’m gonna end up disappointing him.”

“Magnus, you’re one of the best people I know. If Alec can’t see that then he doesn’t deserve you. But luckily it sounds like he can.”

Magnus started to breathe slower, and felt the wave of panic begin to subside. “Why can’t I trust people, Rafa? Am I really that broken?”

“You’re not broken.” Raphael fought to keep his voice calm, but Magnus could still hear the anger undercutting it, anger he assumed was directed at Camille. “You’ve been through a lot and you’re still recovering. That makes you strong.”   
“That’s what Alec said.”

“Then Alec seems to know what he’s talking about.”

“So you think I should give him a chance?” Magnus looked up at Raphael, wanting to make sure he wouldn’t lie to him.

“I can’t decide that for you,” Raphael said, not taking his eyes off Magnus’. “But I do think he makes you happy. And you deserve to be happy.”

“You’re a real sweetheart at times, you know?” Magnus snuggled deeper into Raphael’s side, relieved that he was no longer crying. Raphael was always the first person he turned to for comfort, not that many people would ever think that.

“Only when I have to be.” Raphael settled back onto the pillows and draped the covers over them both. “Goodnight, Magnus.”

~

Magnus stood outside Alec’s apartment, so anxious he was sweating through his Alexander McQueen shirt. In his hand was a letter, one he was determined to deliver to Alec in person. He’d texted Alec earlier, asking if he could come over. Alec had simply replied with a time and address, which had done nothing to ease Magnus’ nerves. A voice in his head was insisting that this was a bad idea, but Magnus had to trust himself, and Raphael, that it wasn’t. He knew what he wanted; it was time to stop running.

Alec’s doorbell was a pleasant series of chimes that Magnus could hear through the door. Magnus had just enough time to run a hand through his hair and straighten his collar before the door opened and Alec was standing in front of him. He wore a fitted, white t-shirt and some jeans, which Magnus suspected he wouldn’t be wearing had he not been expecting company. Apparently Magnus wasn’t the only one who was nervous.

“Hey,” Magnus said.

“Hey.” Alec smiled. That was a good sign; Alec didn’t seem like the type to smile unless he had a reason to. “Please come in.” He took a step to the side to let Magnus pass through. The apartment was small, but well-loved. Instead of art, the walls were covered in photos of Alec, Izzy and Jace. The couch in the lounge area looked comfortable and inviting, and the various surfaces around the room were covered with an assortment of textbooks, polaroids and scented candles. Magnus stopped to take a closer look at a polaroid of the three siblings at the fair, each holding a stick of cotton candy larger than their head.

“So you and your siblings all live here?”

“Yeah, it was a nightmare getting them all to leave today so you could come over. They both wanted to stick around to see you.”

“Well as much as I’m looking forward to seeing them again, I’m glad it’s just the two of us for now.” Magnus fiddled with the folded piece of paper in his hand. Yes, he was definitely glad they didn’t have an audience.

“Please, feel free to take a seat,” Alec gestured to the couch. “Would you like something to drink?”

“Water would be lovely, thanks.” Magnus took a seat, but as he leant back, he noticed something protruding against his back. He reached behind the throw cushion and pulled out a leopard print bra.

“Alec? Is this yours?” 

“Hmm?” Alec looked over his shoulder from the sink. “Oh no! I’m going to kill Izzy!” His face turned a brilliant red, the blush spreading all the way down his neck. Magnus couldn’t help it, he started to laugh. Of course Alec would be traumatised by a bra. Magnus laughed harder, to the point where he was clutching his stomach and gasping for air. It only took a few moments before Alec was joining him, and then they were both laughing hysterically. Magnus could feel the tension dissolve from the atmosphere. This was what he wanted, what he was willing to fight for: moments like these with Alec, where they could laugh and have fun and just enjoy each other’s company.

“Sorry, I think I spilled some of your water,” Alec said when he’d calmed down enough to talk. He handed Magnus the glass and Magnus placed it on one of the mismatched coasters to avoid leaving marks on the coffee table.

“And I’d better get rid of this.” Alec picked up the aforementioned bra between his finger and thumb, and flung it into the hallway, as if merely touching it offended him.

“You know, it’s not going to hurt you.”   
“You might have already noticed, but I’m not really into bras. Or the women wearing them.” Alec shuddered with revulsion.

Magnus laughed again. “I may have picked up on that at some point.”

“Anyway, enough about all of that. Is there a particular reason you wanted to come over?”

“Well, I suppose we can’t beat around the bush for much longer.” Magnus took a deep breath and held out the letter. “I debated doing this online, but I wanted to give it to you in person because I think I need to see your reaction.”

Alec nodded slowly, his brow knitting together. “Okay. I can do that.” He took the letter from Magnus and unfolded it.

_ AL, _

“Seriously, Magnus? AL?”

“Shut up and keep reading.”

_ AL, _

_ Firstly, let me make sure we’re all on the same page by saying I know you wrote the facebook letters. I’m assuming you wanted me to know by the third one, otherwise you’re just really bad at keeping secrets. Reading those letters was like reading something out of a novel. It was delightful reading the compliments about my smile, or my dancing, or my ass, but that’s not all there is to me. _

_ You did touch on the fact that there are things I struggle with that I don’t necessarily share with the world. I know you’re trying to be understanding, and I appreciate it, but you have to know that a relationship with me won’t always be easy. I’ve been dealing with fears of trust and commitment for over two years, and those won’t go away overnight. I don’t want you to walk into this naively and then feel out of your depth. And I also don’t think I could handle driving you away because I became too much for you. _

_ But I don’t want you to think this is me saying no. I like you Alec, I really really like you. I know we only met a few days ago, but what can I say? Dark hair and pretty blue eyes have always been my weakness. But what really drew me in was so much more than your appearance. The way your eyes light up when you talk about something you’re passionate about, the kindness you’ve shown to me, and everyone else, how gently and lovingly you took care of Buttercup yesterday. You even caught me when I bumped into you when we first met instead of just letting me fall. _

_ I looked at you, Alexander, and found that I couldn’t look away. I want to try and make this work between us if you’re willing to try too. _

_ P.S: I miss Buttercup too. If you keep me around maybe we can take her for a walk together? _

Alec’s face was impassive as he read the letter. Magnus couldn’t watch, he just sat with tense shoulders and nails digging crescent-shaped marks into his palms. When Alec finally put down the letter, he said, “Izzy took Buttercup for a walk, but she’ll be back later on.”

“That’s nice, Alexander, but I was hoping you might focus on something else in the letter first.”

The corner of Alec’s mouth twitched, and then it was breaking into a grin, like dawn breaking over the horizon. “Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me. I started writing those letters because I wasn’t sure I could say those things to you in person, but it was probably not the best idea since I think they gave you the wrong impression.”   
Magnus frowned. “What impression would that be?”

“That I wouldn’t be prepared to help you through your struggles. I don’t think this is going to be a fairytale. I know that you’ve been through difficult things, and I want to help support you through them. But know that your problems don’t define you. You’re so much more than anything bad that’s happened to you in the past.”

“But,” Magnus felt his lip tremble, “but what if I become too much for you?”

“Magnus,” Alec shuffled closer, “there’s no universe in which you would ever be too much for me. I like you exactly as you are.”

Magnus forced himself to look Alec in the eye, to see the honesty in them, clear as day. “Really?”

“Really.”

“So you want this? With me?” Magnus had to be sure, he had to hear a verbal confirmation.

“Yes.” Alec lowered his voice to a whisper, as if he was sharing a secret meant only for Magnus. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything quite this much.”

“Me neither,” Magnus whispered back. “Well, maybe the new Versace collection.”

Alec snorted. “Of course you would say that.”

“Hey, you were the one who said that you liked me just the way I am.”

“And I meant it.” Alec opened his arms and Magnus leant his body into Alec’s, his head resting on Alec’s chest. He sunk into the embrace and let his senses be consumed by Alec’s cedarwood cologne and the steady beat of Alec’s heart beneath his cheek.

“Alexander?” Magnus tilted his head upwards.

“Hmm?”

“This is nice and all, but I’d really like it if you were kissing me now.”

Alec replied by bending down and pressing his lips to Magnus’. 

They were still kissing, with Magnus lying on the couch and Alec leaning over him, when Izzy and Jace returned. Izzy walked into the lounge just as Magnus was attempting to pull Alec’s shirt off, and gave a surprised shriek which alerted them both to her presence.

Alec scrambled off Magnus, looking mortified. With Magnus’ lipgloss smeared on his lips and glitter dotting his cheeks, he made a comical sight. Magnus didn’t even want to think about what his own face looked like right now.

“You weren’t meant to be home until later!” Alec yelled at her.

“Alec, it is later! You just don’t realise because you’ve been making out with Magnus. Also, hi Magnus! I’m glad everything worked out for you.” Izzy beamed at him, and Magnus returned the favour. He really liked Izzy, even if she had horrible timing.

A bark sounded from the hallway and shortly after a ball of fluff hurtled into the room and bounded into Magnus’ lap.

“Aww, hello, sweetheart. Did you miss me too?” Magnus cooed.

“You say hi to the dog while I deal with  _ her _ .” Alec pointed at Izzy, who immediately made a break for the hallway. 

“And what did I say about leaving clothes in communal spaces?” Alec shouted after her.

“Hey man,” Jace said to Magnus when he walked in the room. “So you and Alec, huh? That’s awesome, I was worried he’d be single forever.”

“I hate you both,” Alec said, holding his head between his hands. Magnus laughed and grabbed one of Alec’s hands so he could hold it.  _ Yes,  _ Magnus thought,  _ I can get used to this. _

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr @redscrollsofmalec :)


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